Small Problems
by Project Momusu
Summary: Just a parody sort of thing I wrote on each of the problems that the significant characters have. In Progress
1. Chapter 1

- I've always found Soi Fong's Yoruichi obession quite funny... And I was bored. Please review.

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"Yoruichi-sama!" Soi Fong shouted as she danced around the room with a photo frame in her hand. "You're so cool!" She flipped through some more pictures, exclaiming various things, all of them about Yoruichi. Suddenly, she stopped her crazed fan-girling to stare wildly around the room.

"I could have sworn I heard something..." If she'd bothered to check for reiatsu, she would have found that 5 strong reiatsu were all bunched together right outside the room she was in. Unfortunately, she didn't think about that because she was too eager to get back to her many many pictures, all of Yoruichi fighting, or posing in a cool fashion, for the sake of Soi Fong.

"Phew….That was close…." A female voice whispered, finally letting out the breath she'd been holding.

"If she'd found us we'd be dead for sure." Someone else, this time male, agreed.

"Hee….haha….You were right! Who'd have guessed that the second division captain spends her time doing this." A third voice joined, almost unable to hide his laughter.

"Shhhhh She can still hear us you know!"

"Let's get out of here before I die from trying to stop myself from cracking up. Even if she found us…This was so worth it! Hee….haha….Pffft-Mmm-Aghfk-" His voice was cut off by Rangiku, who's hand shot out to cover his mouth.

"Move, now. I'd rather she didn't find us." She whispered and began to crawl away, the others following.

"Where do you think you're going…." Someone asked, voice ominous.

"We're screwed…." Renji muttered under his breath.

"Shut up Abarai!" Ikakku whispered, clubbing him over the head.

Matsumoto began sweating. If her captain found out that she was putting off her paperwork for this… "Uh…..Captain! I was just….Uh…We were just leaving….Well you see… These losers were spying on you and umm me being the nice person I am saw this and decided to stop it because it was um WRONG!" She became even more apprehensive when she noticed her fellow lieutenants giving her death glares.

"Well, I didn't want to bother you with something so small, so I just decided to chase them off, but you came before I was finished and…-"You were chasing them off by leading them away crawling on your stomach?" Soi Fong asked, eyes flashing.

"Uh yes well…" Matsumoto backed away laughing hysterically and waving her hands about. "Did I mention you look great today Captain?"

"…..Suzumebachi." Soi Fong growled out, following each step as the 5 tried moving farther away from her.

"Captain! No need to get hasty now!" Yumichika begged, hiding behind Rangiku. "Please don't look so angry! It isn't beautiful…You can get frown lines!"

"Stop talking Yumichika. Just stop right now." Renji said, slapping himself. "Why did I agree to this…"

" We heard some weird noises, and were merely concerned for your safety!" Isane added, scratching her head. "Please calm down captain…. As soon as we made sure you were alright, we were going to leave!" Isane lied, coughing. A little white lie won't hurt anyone. 4th Division had been especially busy since the ryoka, and even though they were long gone, the recent blows they've suffered from the bounto and current threats from hollows and arrancar gave them no break. Everyone already had their hands full without their lieutenant slacking off. She sighed inwardly. 'I knew I never should have went along….'

Soi Fong sighed. "I would expect stuff like this from people like Rangiku and Ikakku, and all those sorry excuses for vice captains, but you Isane? Now…why were you looking through my window, and the truth this time please."

" Uh…well…. You're not the only one who admires Yoruichi-sama, Captain!" Renji suddenly shouted, trying hard to ignore that comment about Vice Captains. "Yes! We were merely watching so that we may catch a glimpse of the coolest ExCaptain there ever was!" Yumichika joined in, cautiously waiting for Soi Fong's reaction.

Soi Fong suddenly turned around, shaking.

Rangiku glared at Renji and Yumichika as her heart rate increased. 'Great…those idiots are going to get us killed. Damage control!' "No! We meant, uh-you…uh….-REALLY? YOU DO DON"T YOU?" Soi Fong interrupted, eyes shining. The shinigami could swear they saw stars surrounding her. "She's just the most diginified person I know! Have you ever seen her fighting? Oh! I got it! I'll show you!" Dragging all 5 lieutenants into her home, she suddenly began rummaging through all the cabinets in it, throwing all the photo albums she could find.

"Oh great… what did you do Renji! Now we're screwed." Ikakku yelled as quietly as he could, hitting him over the head.

"All we have to do is pretend we're amazed. It'll be easy!" Renji replied, eyes burning, as he smacked Ikakku.

"OH LOOK! ISN"T THIS JUST ABSOLTELY THE BEST MOVE YOU'VE EVER SEEN?" Soi Fong suddenly shouted with a huge grin on her face, butting into the tiny circle the five had made.

" Why that's just an excellent way to fight!" Rangiku gushed, adding a fake laugh as she thought of a plan to get them out of this place.

"How genius!" Isane added hesitantly, following Rangiku.

"Hmm…I'll show you something really cool! You'll all love it! Right…?" Soi Fong asked, her voice unbelievably sweet. Everyone nodded trying to ignore the bad feeling that was creeping up as they walked towards the only door in the whole room other than the one they entered through.

Soi Fong glanced around, before throwing the door open to push everyone in. She once again looked around the room, making sure that no one was there before charging in herself, slamming the door shut.

" ACK! So dark…Why's it so dark in here?" Yumichika asked, trying to figure out where the other's were. Suddenly the light flicked on.

Yumichika sighed. "Ah…That's better…" He took one look around the room before screaming. Everyone in the room was shocked except for Soi Fong. "Isn't this great?" She asked with glee as she stared around the room, taking it all in.

"Wow…This is….truly…shocking." Isane commented, trying not to show that she was entirely creeped out.

The others were feeling the same way. They all knew that the second division captain worshipped Yoruichi, but they never thought that she would ACTUALLY WORSHIP her. All four walls were covered with pictures of Yoruichi, even the ceiling. In the center was a statue, with hundreds of cat plushies surrounding it.

"Quite…surprising…" Rangiku threw out, breaking the silence. "Now um Captain….As you know, all squads are struggling right now, and as Vice Captains, we have many duties. We should get back to them…But um…we'll do this again sometime okay? Bye!" Rangiku ended up shouting at the end as she was already quite a ways off, running as fast as she could. "Man that was scary…I wonder if Yoruichi knows about this! I'd swear the second captain was an obsessed stalker!"

"Don't forget now!" Soi Fong called to the 5 empty spaces that used to be filled by the Vice Lieutenants. "I'll…call you…." Soi Fong trailed off, before shrugging and jumping into the pile of cat plushies.

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Haha totally pointless. Hope you liked it LOL.


	2. Chapter 2

Hahahahahha More Pointlessness. R&R please.

A Day in the 10th squad office

Hitsugaiya glared at the empty space where his lieutenant should have been when he finally finished the last of the paperwork. He'd returned to find the office void of people, but not the 2 mountains of paperwork that he'd left in the morning.

The door cracked open as someone with orange hair peeked in before making a small eep and proceeding to close it and get the hell out of there.

"MATSUMOTO!" Hitsugaiya yelled at the now closed door.

The door opened slightly as she replied her voice slightly squeaking. "Yes Captain?"

"Get in here. Now. And remind me why not even one sheet was finished when I got back." He asked, expecting once again another excuse which would either make no sense, be impossible, or completely stupid just like her other 2 million excuses served for this purpose.

"That's not true! I did 2 pages before I left!" Matsumoto protested as she threw the door open. "Uh…That is….I meant…Well you see, I was completely concentrated on my work when this HUGE blue thing came out of nowhere and started shaking the whole place, and I just had to take care of it but it was so cute that I couldn't just kill it, so I tried to find a nice home for it, which took me a while but you can rest easy now captain because I have found the perfect place, and now it's having the time of its life playing with the other blue things living there! You don't have to worry about that now, because I assured that you would have the maximum relaxation and comfort while doing your work. To do this, I had to give up mine, but no need to thank me! It's all in the job! Ahahahahhaaha!" Matsumoto giggled, finally ending her rant.

Hitsugaiya stared at his lieutenant "You really expect me to believe that?" He asked, before turning to sit on the couch.

Matsumoto stopped her giggling and coughed "No not really, but the important thing is, it's all done now, so you can just kick back and relax!"

The short white haired captain growled, grinding his teeth. "It's done because I FINISHED IT! Well what's done is done. Since there's no more work to be done for the day, you can have the rest of the day off. Whatever you were just doing, you can go back to it so that tomorrow you can actually get some work done!" He finished before attempting to leave the room.

"Really!? Captain's the best! Awww, who knew that the 10th division captain was such a softy!" Matsumoto laughed as she hugged the tenth captain so hard that he was dying from lack of air. 'I should skip out on work more often if this is what it gets me!'

Hitsugaiya struggled out of her grip, coughing and sputtering. "Matsumoto….Leave now, before I change my mind!"

Matsumoto ran out the door, before poking her head back in. "You want me to bring you anything Captain?"

"NO!" Hitsugaiya shouted as he threw the nearest object he could find at the door.

Matsumoto ducked out again, saying over her shoulder, "Whatever you say Captain."

"Finally…some peace and quiet." Hitsugaiya grumbled as he got ready for his daily nap. He's a growing boy after all, and he heard that you needed lots of sleep if you wanted to grow tall. He pulled a blanket out from under the couch, where he always kept it. No one that worked here knew about it. Or at least he didn't think so…Matsumoto had been acting awfully weird lately…His suspicions were confirmed as he spotted a camera in the doorway accompanied by a laugh he knew all too well. The laugh that brought all evils upon him. Too late. The camera flashed as he threw the blanket off.

"MATSUMOTOOOOOO!" He screamed, seeing red.

"Uh oops, Sorry Captain! Bye!" Matsumoto shouted, this time gone for good.


End file.
